Love

Maybe s/he likes me more than just as a friend, maybe s/he does not.

I so wish there was a way to know without any embarrassment. Since there isn't any, the ambiguity must remain. I don't mind it. Being in love alone gives me a heady feeling. I love the hurried care-for-a-coffee look between shifts. I love the small talk over coffee. I love the anecdotes from high school.

The ambiguity must remain yes because this way I don't have to deal with the less than beautiful aspects of love. I can idealise with no fear of discovering annoying habits. No ugly fights. No deliberate hurting.

Ah, paradise.

PS- It's idiotic, my mania for keeping my identity a secret, given so many of my friends already know it. The backslash in "she" is irritating; it kills the flow of the lines. I should stop being such a stupid cunt/bitch. Ah there I go again.